Rickmansworth & Isambard Cricket Club

How can you get food poisoning from a diet consisting of nothing but organic cider? That was the question surrounding the sickness of Dave Tierney's (admittedly rather sexy) girlfriend on Monday morning, causing the big man to pull out (pun intended) of the all-important follow-up second-chance winner-take-all match against Rye CC.

Come 1pm on match day rumours circulating Rye concluded that the real reason behind Tierney's no-show was in fact a severe case of grovelling to said girlfriend, caused by her intense dislike of watching beer-bellied men run chase after a piece of red leather.

With hindsight, it's probably a good thing that Tierney and bird failed to attend Monday's match, such was the sub-standard level of cricket displayed by Isambard's somewhat hungover crew (see Rye Sunday match report).

Bolstered by a couple of ringers from Rye - crack opening batsman "Badger", a useful pre-pubescent bowler named Craig, and a surprisingly talent-free Aussie named Nathan - the Isambard boys were sweating stale cider and a tad complacent.

A scheduling mix-up resulted in the match being reduced to 35-overs per side. As such, Sir Rich had no hesitation in batting first on a reasonable deck.

Glorious cover drives, savage pulls, clobbered square cuts and delicate glances - these were among the many recognised cricketing shots that Isambard players did not play on that windy day.

The Badger growled his way through the opening bowlers, belting a few boundaries on his way to a swift 23. Sir Rich and Mark Wembridge came and went, barely troubling the scorers, before Simon Codling and Paul Bailey set about making the bulk of the runs.

When Codling was castled and Bailey stumped, the tail attempted to wag, with Scotty O'Brien managing 14 valuable runs, but a target of 160 was hardly the stuff of nightmares for Rye CC.

With O'Brien's room-sharing shenanigans the previous evening with Jon Taylor still looming at the back of his mind (again, see Sunday's match report), he was not his usual force. O'Brien's figures of 1-30 off 7 overs were not up to his usual high standards, and the boys let him know it.

In spite of keeping things tight for long periods - Ben Webb and Nick Tuohy bowling accurately - and a fluked caught and bowled by Wembridge, two of Rye's batsmen proceeded to pummel Isambard's cider-affected bowlers to all parts.

Naturally, we blamed the bumpy outfield for our misfortunes, parts of which sported cracks bigger than Beth Ditto's, resulting in somewhat uneven bounce. The sight of Bailey at long-off ducking and dodging the high-speed leather heading his direction is forever burned in the memories of many Isambard boys.

Inevitably, Rye overhauled our diminutive total with time and eight wickets to spare, bringing to an end a long weekend of cricket and cider. Honours were even, heads were held high, and Nick Tuohy picked up a snazzy belt for his missus. A great weekend all round.