Isambard vs. West Essex CC (A) - Friendly

18th May, 2008

Two Daves prove the best in West Essex

 

West Essex 195-9 (40 overs) (G.Collins 3-22, D.Bywater 3-33).  Isambard 197-4 (34 overs) (D.Tierney 65, Bywater 49, R.Gardiner 22, S.Codling 20 not out).

Winning, some say, becomes a habit among champion teams. Although Isambard Cricket Club could not yet be accurately described as a "champion" team, the beer-swigging group of talented Antipodeans (and a few Englishmen to make up the numbers) is somewhat adept at creating new habits.  Alas, one of those habits is the team captain turning up at the ground too late for the toss. 
  
Isambard's captain for the stoush at West Essex was none other than the venerable Kiwi Sir Richie of Gardiner. The reason behind Sir Rich's lateness has yet to be confirmed. However, malicious rumours abound that the notorious ladies man was otherwise indisposed of sampling the local Essex "flavour" (garish pink mini-skirted Lambeth and Butler-smoked trout, marinated in Ace Diamond white cider, apparently).  Whether or not it was to his taste (he's not sheepish about these things), Sir Rich managed to turn up at the bottle-strewn ground about 30 minutes after Roxy "stand-in skipper" Bywater won the toss and elected to field. 
  
The ground was more lopsided than a Tour de France cyclist with one testicle - why the groundsman decided to cut the pitch 30 metres from one boundary and 70 metres from the other is beyond me. Nevertheless, it provided for some interesting field settings.  Undeterred, the Kiwi-Aussie paring of Mat Lindsey and Ben Webb opened the bowling, with somewhat differing results. 
  
Snorting like Robert Downey Junior at a Colombian house party, Lindsay ran in and hit the deck hard, causing some brown-trousered moments among the opposition.  Webb, by contrast, was spanked like Max Moseley in his two overs, being promptly removed from the attack after conceding nineteen from his spell.  Not for the first time, it was left to Nick "Keg on Legs" Tuohy to make the breakthrough, which he did by forcing a catch to Lindsay. Roxy Bywater was also brought into the attack with similar results. 
  
Cricketing sage Dave Tierney showed his commentating prowess by talking up one of the opposition batsmen. "This guy has great technique," the big man opined from deep cover. Tierney's assessment proved less accurate than Bywater's next delivery, which sent the batsman's off stump cartwheeling. 
  
Geoff "this won't hurt a bit" Collins and Arnie "I'll be back" Glausiusz took up the attack, and took a few wickets. Doc Collins was the pick of the bowlers, returning figures of 3-22.  Glausiusz's first two overs went for a miserly four. His third "‘ and rather surprisingly "‘ final over went for 25, including four consecutive sixes. (Does this qualify Glausiusz for the most memorable sixes contest? They were pretty memorable). 
  
During tea, Tuohy decided to while away the time by brushing up on a couple of books in the pavilion, including "A Closer Look at the LBW Law" and "Men in White Coats".  Such self-improvement is concerning; most Isambard players would have used the break to look for the nearest off-licence to replenish supplies. 
  
After tea, Isambard opened with all-Kiwi pair Gardiner and Tierney looking as solid as the All Black front row (don't mention the World Cup). Sir Rich looked set for a big score before he was bowled for 22, bringing Bywater to the crease.  According to his missus, Tierney rarely fails to perform. His innings of a tongue-twisting, finger-licking 69, containing six boundaries and one maximum, was another example of his rock-solid technique. Bywater also crashed the Essex totty around the park, including three enormous sixes, before being castled just one short of his fifty. 
  
This brought Mark Wembridge to the crease.  Not for the first time, his performance was somewhat short of Tierney's (just ask Tierney's missus).  Umpire Glausiusz was responsible for Wembridge's premature rejection, having given him out lbw after a palpable inside edge.  The irate batsman suggested Arnie borrow Nic's books, or words to that effect.  It was left to Simon "Iron Gloves" Codling and Webb (13 not out) to see Isambard to a good win. 
  
By Kim-Meg Breward

 
 
<% end %>