Isambard vs. East Meon (A) - Friendly

15th June, 2008

Here comes the rain again

 

Isambard 186-8 dec. (37.3 overs) (S.Johnston 51 not out, R.Robinson 33, M.Wembridge 32, S.Treloar 29) v. East Meon.

After a tedious morning of trips to the tip and trying not to run over bling-toting chavs in the Feltham Asda car park, your correspondent was looking forward to a trip down to the Meon Valley, where the pace of life is altogether calmer.  Alas, the journey began with bad news: Richie Gardiner's journey from Sticksville, Essex had finally been stymied by engineering works that, according to Network Rail, had been on and off more times than Paris Hilton's knickers.  Fortunately, we had a twelfth man; unfortunately, it was Keith Williams, who isn't quite in Sir Rich's class as a batsman. 
  
Having declared it would be a good toss to lose, skipper Adam Malin naturally proceeded to win it; he decided to bat.  Adam was then pleasantly surprised by the presentation of a shield to commemorate what was his hundredth Isambard appearance.  This can be seen as a tribute to his perseverance with Isambard over thirteen years, or as confirmation that he's wasted over three months of his life fannying about on cricket fields.  In his acceptance speech, Malin inclined more towards the latter. 
  
  Back on the field, the absence of Sir Rich meant an immediate problem: who to send up the order to join Ric Firth?  Richie Robinson was chosen, in the hope that he could play a Boycottian innings of the type so beloved by his Kiwi namesake.  Hopes of a good start were dashed in the second over, when Firth perished for a duck, bowler A.Wheeler inconsiderately following two wide balls with one that was unreasonably straight.  
  
Mark Wembridge came in, promoted to No.3 following a return to form that oddly coincided with his return to drinking (young athletes please note).  He and Robinson set about rebuilding the innings, mixing respect for some good deliveries with extreme violence against the poorer balls; each posted two nice sixes.  Robinson was perhaps a little lucky at times, having demonstrated with consecutive deliveries that neither mid-on nor mid-off could catch, but it was Wembridge who went first, caught and bowled by Dowlen.  
  
Enter Pete Brooks, with proud family and fiancée watching.  Three balls later, exit Pete, bowled by a very good ball.  In fact, so good was the delivery that, had it been a question, it would have been on the subject of Cartesian Dualism, and, in terms of his ability to answer, Brooks would have been your average Big Brother contestant.  Robinson was then bowled by the brisk Hetherington to leave Isambard 72-4 and in more brown stuff than a scatologists convention. 
  
This sudden collapse brought Treloar brothers Simon and Dave to the wicket, the latter making his debut.  Together they put on 22 runs before Dave was castled, and Steve Johnston came in to bat.  Johnston was dropped badly (or very well, depending on your perspective) by backward square leg first ball - our scorebook has the legend "OMG" in Kim-Meg's handwriting next to the delivery - but then settled down to help Treloar senior rebuild.  Trigger was eventually caught on the boundary for a good 29, bringing in man-mountain Mat Lindsay.  Lindsay did well when trying to hit the ball into the next county, but was dismissed whilst trying to play a defensive shot.  Next time, stick to what you know, Mat.  
  
This left Isambard 144-7; time for a captain's innings.  Alas, Malin was dismissed for one by his unerring ability to pick the fielder who can actually catch.  He is now level with father Disco on 998 career runs; surely they are prime candidates for the openers' berths when they next play together?  (There is also the potential for someone to open a book on who reaches the thousand-run milestone first, although, given the potential conflict of interest with whoever's umpiring, the ICC may wish to supply neutral officials for the game.  Anyone but Darryl Hair will do nicely, thanks). 
  
Alex Robinson then came in to join Johnston, and the pair took the game to their hosts, putting on 34 runs in 3.3 overs.  Robinson, not previously noted for his batting, hit some great shots in his unbeaten 17.  This sparked a one-man (well, one-child) pitch invasion from his young son, which was repelled with assistance from Firth and Williams - possibly their only significant contributions to the day's play. 
  
 Meanwhile, Johnston shrugged off the increasingly heavy rain, and dark mutterings about its effect on the pitch from the home side, to post his first fifty for the club.  With Johnston's half-century secured, and the rain becoming heavier still, Malin declared around five minutes before the scheduled tea interval.  
  
Negotiations on whether to restart after tea were wide-ranging, and included a tense-looking conversation between the home skipper and his wife.  Witnesses suggested that the discussion included the joys of all-day childcare, the issue of putting children to bed whilst your partner is drinking in the pub, and the amount of time in general spent playing this stupid game.  Test cricket would surely be made more exciting by adoption of similar principles.  ("Yes, I know it's a green seamer, but we have to bat first, because Monty's popped to B&Q and Ryan's got the kids for the morning.") 
  
Alas, there was to be no more cricket for the day; only the second abandoned match in Isambard's 135-match history.  (The first was last year's fixture here - what is it about the Meon Valley microclimate?)  All that remained was the entertaining sideshow of the home side stripping to their boxers and sliding along the saturated pitch covers.  (Had he been here, would Munn have done it naked?  Does Jordan like self-publicity?).  On that note, Isambard retired to the pub.  Despite the weather, all agreed that it had been a great day out - and one we hope to repeat next year. 
  
  
Match Report by Keith Williams.

 
 
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