Rickmansworth & Isambard Cricket Club

To many cricketers, the theory is that each new season brings a fresh start – a blank canvas on which to paint a masterpiece of batting, bowling, fielding (and in Isambard’s case, drinking).  Would the 2010 season concur with this theory? Or would Isambard simply repeat history, get beaten soundly each week and seek solace in the bottom of a pint glass?

It was a good omen that new skipper Dave “Roxy” Bywater won the toss (we won something for once) and elected to bat, selecting “Nurse” Jimmy Dean to open with John Chance.  Dean began the innings by thumping a magnificent boundary down the ground, before swinging across the line and being comprehensively bowled, bringing Mark Wembridge to the crease quicker than George Michael into a public toilet.

Following the lead of Dean, Wembridge was castled by a delivery that he described as “the best ball I’ve ever faced”, as he trudged off the ground. “Put it this way,” explained “Roxy”, who was umpiring at the time. “A better batsman would have nicked it behind, but you just missed an outswinger.”

For a while, debutants Chance and Dave Whymark held court in the middle, playing their shots with ease. But if they were true to Isambard form, they would inevitably throw their wickets away and start a mini-collapse.

And so it was – Chance falling for 17, newly-married Pete “The Artist Formerly Known As Pete Brooks” Proniewicz-Brooks for one, and newboy Seamus Gregan for four.  At 43-5, things weren’t looking great for the visitors.

However, one advantage of this collapse was that it brought skipper Bywater to the crease.  Coming in well below his usual number three, Roxy proceeded to bring calm to the innings, a bit like Amy Winehouse popping some valium after snorting half of Colombia’s annual GDP.  He and Whymark put on 39 for the sixth wicket, and then Dave ‘Disco’ Malin, whose leg side play was as clean and clinical as ever, belying his years, helped his skipper add 33 for the seventh.  Roxy was particularly brutal to the attack, but failed to replicate last season’s enormous six that ricocheted off a steel shipping container and was never seen again. 

Roxy eventually fell for 56, bringing in McConville, whose quick 21 helped add 29 for the eighth wicket, so taking the score to 146-8.  Sensible batting from Malin and Paul Gregan added an unbeaten twenty for the ninth wicket, so taking Isambard into the murky waters of semi-respectability.

Last season’s fixture against Walthamstow resulted in them shellacking our bowlers all around the park, and this season produced much the same result. Like porky Scottish chanteuse Susan Boyle, the Walthamstow batsmen appeared to have dreamed a dream of times gone by and tucked into some buffet bowling.  

Horizontals belted more boundaries than Ulrika Jonsson has fathers of her various children, as Isambard were put to the sword.  Gavin Kallmann and McConville opened the bowling, and both were thumped unceremoniously around the ground.  Whymark, Dean and both Gregans all went the same way, with only Roxy and McConville picking up a single wicket each for their troubles.  At least the massacre was mercifully brief, with Walthamstow knocking off the runs in a mere 21.1 overs.

Regardless of the result, the boys were as happy as a stripper in the Big Brother house, and the beer was cold and cheap. Could this be a portent for future results throughout the season?