Rickmansworth & Isambard Cricket Club

As I write, Kim-Meg has still failed to deliver a match report from the inglorious defeat against Walthamstow Horizontals in our first match of the season.  She blames a (purely professional) interest in a (well-) hung parliament, whatever that may mean.

Anyway, that means it falls to me to produce the first match report of the 2010 season – a task not without responsibility, as I have first pick of which cultural icons we name check this term.  After all, Jodie, Jordan and the like are so 2009, aren’t they? 

It was when commencing research into this important issue that my eye fell on the shapely form of her out of Doctor Who.  In many ways, the incredibly easy-on-the-eye Karen Gillan is an appropriate choice for this particular match.  In terms of bowlers, Isambard were shorter than her skirts in that series, and the chances of dismissing the home side seemed slimmer than her particularly shapely legs.  Could the team overcome this – and the hottest day of the year – to triumph?

The game started with the news that we had been promoted to the big pitch at Edmonton, as their first XI match had been cancelled.  Kim-Meg, hopeful of making his first ton on the postage stamp pitch, looked like a small boy who had been told that Father Christmas was in fact Dad in a red suit.  Fortunately Roxy managed to win the toss, so saving us 40 overs of chasing leather in the hottest sun.

Richie Robinson and Mark Wembridge, with their contrasting styles – psychotic and pedestrian repectively – opened the batting.  However, the man we call R-Rob was soon to perish in a comedy moment.  There was a big appeal for a caught behind.  Umpire Pete Proniewicz-Brooks did nothing.  Richie looked down.  Pete put his finger up.  Richie eventually looked up again, finally made eye contact, and realised he was in fact out.  Cue slow trudge back to the pavilion, and lengthy debate about the dismissal, after which the home skipper sportingly offered Richie another go with the bat; a gesture which, oddly enough, did not meet with unanimous approval from the visitors.

Debutant Jeremy Carton came in at No.3 for his first match in almost twenty years, and batted with enthusiasm.  Unfortunately his groin didn’t share that enthusiasm, and he ended up with a nasty strain – and a runner.  A splendid six aside, Wembridge had looked scratchier than an explosion at Mr. Porky’s factory at the crease, and was dismissed for thirteen: Isambard 35-3 and in some trouble.

Not for the first time, skipper Dave Bywater was involved in the rescue, putting on sixty for the fourth wicket with John Chance (19).  Edmonton’s opening bowlers were replaced by some wily medium-pacers, who proved accurate and difficult to get away.  Dave Malin was promoted up the order to No.6 by Keith Williams, who decided that the Secretary’s duties included amending the batting line-up when the captain and vice-captain were batting.  Disco played a good innings, including a couple of shots that he’d evidently taken 65 years to perfect before unleashing on the field of play, before perishing for 22.

Bywater and Paul McConville then took advantage of some profligate deliveries from Edmonton’s third and fourth change bowlers to up the run rate, McConville improving his career-best batting for the second match in succession.  After Roxy perished twenty short of a deserved ton, Proniewicz-Brooks (batting somewhere below his usual No.5 slot) and Williams played brief cameos, allowing McConville to hit out further and take Isambard’s total past the magic 200 mark.  Would it be enough?

Tea, to put it politely, was not a taste sensation, incorporating Mother’s Pride with marge and jam, and the cold remains of someone’s breakfast.  Most of the Isambard side wisely chose to replenish lost fluid and reinvigorate with pints of wife-beater from the adjacent bar.  This initially seemed to inspire the visitors, as Richie Robinson removed the two Edmonton openers in his first two overs.  Fraser Matthews kept things quiet from the other end and, at the first drinks break (after fifteen overs), Edmonton were 50-2.  Advantage Isambard.  Could it continue, or would Isambard crumble, like a stray digestive biscuit under James Corden’s mattress?

Edmonton’s batsmen looked solid, but weren’t scoring particularly quickly against a good fielding and obdurate bowling effort.  Their No.4 eventually hit a ball from the excellent McConville up in the air towards a fielder – well, Keith Williams, at least.  To everyone’s surprise – not least our esteemed co-founder’s – Williams held onto the catch.  A tired looking batting partner followed shortly afterwards, bowled by Bywater; Isambard had their desired breakthrough.

Careful what you wish for, though; for Edmonton’s middle-order quickly got to grips with Isambard’s limited attack; at the second drinks break (31 overs), the home side were 157-4.  Sixteen overs had yielded 107 runs; the overall run rate was now bang on target.  What would happen now?

Bywater turned to spin at the far end, introducing Disco Malin straight after the break.  It seemed to be an inspired move, as the veteran’s first delivery – not so much pie as Mr.Kipling’s value pack – confused the young batsman, who could only hit it in the air for Wembridge to pouch.  But the rest of the over proved expensive, and Bywater brought back Matthews, followed swiftly by Robinson, at that end.

Richie’s return resulted in a repeat outbreak of wide-itis, which had dogged his earlier spell.  This tragic affliction had little to do with his bowling, and much to do with the umpire at that end, who seemed determined to signal wide for almost any delivery which passed the bat on the off-side. 

Some of our fiery players from the past might have had a blazing row at this point (what is Dave Elphick up to these days?).  However, in this instance a gentle word from his umpiring partner curtailed this restless leg (well, arm) syndrome, but not before several unnecessary runs had been conceded.  Robinson and Bywater managed another wicket apiece – the latter benefiting from a catch which hit Carton in the stomach – but well-timed aggression from the home side’s middle order had done enough to see them home with twenty balls to spare.

Whilst it was disappointing to lose a close game, it wasn’t like we’d been captured by Barbary Corsairs.  Isambard could take a lot of positives from a good team performance, especially the efforts made by their depleted bowling attack.  In reality, we were perhaps one bowler away from a win.  The team will hope to make it third time lucky when they visit Marlow Park for the first time, on 6 June.